Tuesday 13 January 2009

The Winter of my Discontent

...and so it begins...the slow pulling up out of the abyss. This sadness is like being wrapped in cotton and words sound like underwater noises, a foreign language. Nonesense. No sense. But let me see if I can put something together that makes some sense. First of all, I have been touched by the outpouring of compassion, sympathy and empathy from so many people. I have felt so much love these last two weeks and it has been so soothing to the raw hurt. Although, I have had such difficulty speaking, the words catch in my throat, so many others have spoken so well. It has given me the freedom to honour the ending of a life that was to me a love affair of sorts. I would have to say it was the miracle of being in a relationship where I was never not loved...wow...that simply seems to be the heart of it. (This evening we drove out to the farm where the girl is buried and took in her view)


ingrid said...

I saw your comment on another site and wanted to read your story about your loss.

I didn't get any further than your photo of your beautiful girl. It sent me into a fit of tears.

I lost my girl January 10, 2009, same cancer.
It's been 11 days without her and I'm still completely broken.
I found out December 23rd and I had 19 days before she passed.
She was 10 1/2 year old and completely healthy other than the wretched mass on her spleen.

I send you my condolences and sympathies and prayers and everything!! This is the worst part of my life ever.

May you keep all your memories strong and have sweet dreams of your precious little girl!!

Cowgirl said...

Ingrid, I read about your girl as well and was so sad. It is just the worst thing to lose them to this horrible cancer and it happens so quickly --from diagnosis to denial to death. Thanks for reaching out. I also send you my heartfelt sympathy and hopes that this most difficult of times begins to ease away and that you too, will have sweet dreams of your girl and thoughts of her will bring smiles instead of tears (one day). Feel free to email me if ever you feel like it. Gina

Jess and Brian said...

What an incredible forever view for your girl to have ... wow. Winter seems like such an appropriate time to be mourning the loss of our loves. It is a quiet, cold time ... good for reflecting and retreating. Wishing you peaceful healing ...