Saturday, 8 November 2008

Back From the Brink?

Exhausted. Mostly, that is what this whole thing has left me feeling. It is a physical exhaustion, of course, but also a mental one. I am still trying to wrap my head around the 'almost' journey to the abyss. I guess I tried three times to get going and then through the modern miracle of medical intervention (and all those people calling to me) I made a legal u-turn and returned. If I say it wasn't scary, you should believe me. And if I tell you, at that time, it didn't hurt, you can believe that too. "I" wasn't even there..."I" was just watching it like a movie. Bits and pieces from the week keep popping up in my head, all out of order and jumbled. There is a lot I don't remember and maybe won't ever, but there are some very significant other moments that may never be very far off. It is not the 'dying' part that bothers me now...I think I am okay with that. I am glad to have been given some more time , make no mistake about that. What I am struggling with today is how very close life is to death. It's like one side of the mirror is life and the other side is death. There doesn't appear to be much that separates the two. I now know just how quickly one can pass through the glass and it makes me feel so vulnerable, so unsure of myself, and so distrusting of this body. Thank you all for being there. Your love helped more than you may ever know. g.

4 comments:

Eric said...

Ya know G... you guys have always been in our prayers... and that will NEVER stop! It appears to us that you have more to do and to learn here on this erf! Of course we never stop learning... once we think we got it all down... God decides to throw us a curve ball. But hey, we can now/still party till it's 1999 in celebration of you getting a clean bill of health... say what, we've already past 1999... where the heck was I! :) We love you guys sooo much... welcome back!

Yo Thommy did you get your laptop thingy worked out?

God blees you both... we miss you!!

Joey & Rick said...

Hey G - I'm glad you didn't "step on through to the other side" like Jim Morrison talked about... well, I guess you did, you just forgot that you're not suppose to be the first one to cross-over. I agree with you...I'm alright the "dying" part too. Glad to hear what I've heard to be true. I heard a quote once... "Oh death, where is your sting?" It's in a really good book I read. I love you.

Ashley said...

I love you and hope you are still resting. We will continue to pray for a full recovery. Much love. xoxo

Ginger Hokule'a "Gigi" said...

Sooo glad that gina choose the legal "u" turn.... we still need Gina on this planet,
sending many healing/strengthening bubbles, m, j & g.