Saturday, 22 November 2008

Bleed me a River

Let's see if there is a way to talk about this. It is a bit difficult to admit but I am having trouble shaking this paranoid feeling that 'it' will happen again. I feel like I am in a holding pattern and it is just a matter of time and 'poof' I will blow another gasket and next time, I will indeed bleed away. I am especially nervous about being too far away from medical help. How geriatric of me, I know, but the thought does loop through my head whenever I go anywhere these days. I tend to think about some of the places...the out of the way places...the off the beaten path places...the way-out-there isolated places...that I have been to and I gasp to myself and ask, 'what if it had happened there?'.
This is all going on internally, endlessly, privately.

1 comment:

Joey & Rick said...

Gee...

I live in a rural part of SoDak. If I blow a gasket, and if they get to me in time, it would involve a helicopter. If they don't get to me in time, I get to take the "life flight", the journey of a lifetime. I get to graduate. It's not living if you don't "live" it. We all have an appointment we won't miss. I find peace in that. I could be anywhere, exactly where I want to be, and I can't avoid "it".

There is a reason they call it a river of life. Move with it, allow the ebb, the flow, it changes everything, and helps everything around it grow.

Obviously what I'm going through is externally, endlessly, openly.

More and more every day.

Joey