Let's see if there is a way to talk about this. It is a bit difficult to admit but I am having trouble shaking this paranoid feeling that 'it' will happen again. I feel like I am in a holding pattern and it is just a matter of time and 'poof' I will blow another gasket and next time, I will indeed bleed away. I am especially nervous about being too far away from medical help. How geriatric of me, I know, but the thought does loop through my head whenever I go anywhere these days. I tend to think about some of the places...the out of the way places...the off the beaten path places...the way-out-there isolated places...that I have been to and I gasp to myself and ask, 'what if it had happened there?'.
This is all going on internally, endlessly, privately.