Wednesday 21 October 2009
Cloudy with Chance of Depression
So much has happened this past year. I never thought that October would be my month of anniversaries, but it is, or so it has become. Briefly to recap... one life was condemned, one was almost taken and one friendship was ended. Not to be melodramatic, but this month last year was the start of a particularly bumpy 'road trip' or rather, what I like to fondly call, the spiral down 'Depression Lane'. Of course, like most of everybody's lives, the year started out with all the normal ups & downs. The ones that are usually handled quite easily. But like a tornado picking up fuel, the situation quickly went from bad to very bad. By October it was at its strongest and most dangerous. Unfortunately, I couldn't get out of the way and went from a storm-watcher to a storm victim. By the end of that month I could have had VICTIM tattooed on my forehead. Yes, I really wrapped my head around it. It's funny, weirdly funny, that once we cave to our circumstances, we are defined so differently. Everything that was 'us' before, changes. For me, even the way I held myself changed. I temporarily lost my braveness and became a sort of timid creature. Life felt beyond control in any way. I was always reminding myself that there really wasn't any point so way bother? I began to be consumed by sadness. Sadness with a capital 'S'. SADNESS in all caps. Like a lot of situations in life, things were about to get even worse. I should have heeded the evacuation order but who the hell was thinking straight when it was just so damn pathetic all around? Certainly, not me. I'm sure I was a real pain in the 'arse for the next few months and only got through by the grace of my beloveds. They were the ones that stitched my heart back together. Prognosis: the patient will live. I started this post to talk about the upcoming road trip to the coast of Oregon, USA and ended up here. Guess I took a wrong turn somewhere. Sorry, that will have to wait until another day.