It seemed like it came out of the blue but apparently not. I have recently been told that I have a few (well, many) shortcomings which are making it impossible for someone to remain in my life. This person is considering removing themselves from my realm. This is very, very disturbing to me and I am puzzled by this turn of events. But, I have been given some very specific examples of where and when I have messed up and yes, I guess, guilty, to a certain degree. But if 'intent' is considered even in a court of law, than all I can say is my 'intentions' were never evil or designed to hurt....I was unaware, actually, of the seriousness of the incidents and was truly oblivious. I have a tendency to underestimate my own importance to some people...just a little self-esteem issue that is, there, at the very core of me. Yes, me, self-doubting and unsure, at times, more often than one might imagine. Anyway, this is a rather personal post for me and a direction that I usually don't go in, but this situation is very troubling to me and I need some input from my e-friends.
Saturday, 5 November 2011
a not-so-funny thing happened...
It seemed like it came out of the blue but apparently not. I have recently been told that I have a few (well, many) shortcomings which are making it impossible for someone to remain in my life. This person is considering removing themselves from my realm. This is very, very disturbing to me and I am puzzled by this turn of events. But, I have been given some very specific examples of where and when I have messed up and yes, I guess, guilty, to a certain degree. But if 'intent' is considered even in a court of law, than all I can say is my 'intentions' were never evil or designed to hurt....I was unaware, actually, of the seriousness of the incidents and was truly oblivious. I have a tendency to underestimate my own importance to some people...just a little self-esteem issue that is, there, at the very core of me. Yes, me, self-doubting and unsure, at times, more often than one might imagine. Anyway, this is a rather personal post for me and a direction that I usually don't go in, but this situation is very troubling to me and I need some input from my e-friends.
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7 comments:
Hi Gina,
Firstly I want to be of help and not a hindrance. So I hope it helps in what I say. But the thing that comes to mind is loss. How would the loss of this person impact your life.. and then try and make corrections to remedy. A lot of what we do and say are based on selfishness.. and we are all selfish but to different degrees. But the question I ask myself is.. how much more do I love others than myself? In a court of law it's about right and wrong, I believe we inherently know this.. the decisions we make have consequences and will impact us and others even if we are unaware. I wont' get all Biblical on you, unless you ask of course.. but what is the loss of this friendship worth.. and then take corrective actions. Forgiveness is everything on both sides and even if we feel we are right we may be wrong. I hope and pray this can be worked out for everyone involved!
Thank you so much Rick. I do love you, my friend. g
Well, I think that Rick has a point. I think of a couple of times when I had very close friends tell me that I was no longer part of their realm. One very dear friend when I questioned if she was having an affair emailed me "you are clearly not my friend!" and pushed the send button. I never saw her again. She WAS having an affair, but she didn't appreciate me pointing that out. So now that I look back, that person was very superficial and when I was around her, yes, we had fun but there wasn't the depth and warmth that I have with many close friends I have now. . . like my prima donna. My life went on and now it is much richer and meaningful. Yes, I shed some tears at the initial loss,and it was very painful at the time, but was the loss really mine? I think not. She was the loser cause losing me for a friend was the bigger loss.
One of my favorite movies is “The Way We Were”. There is a scene in the film where Hubbell and JJ are out sailing and they are talking about the best and worst of their lives. And then JJ says a line that has struck a chord in me from the moment I heard it. It is something like: “Old Carole Ann? Sorry buddy. She wasn’t much. It’s not like losing somebody. Like losing Katie.. ”
I always felt I was that Katie, that those people who chose to push me out of their lives would later look back and say just that line.
Now, I should have just made a blog myself!
:)
XOXO
WoW K-grrl...you nailed it! Thanks for your well-thought out comment as well and I agree. You are the best and me no lose you, no way, no how...lucky me. xo
Hi.I wrote a long comment and lost it in googleland so here I go again with a shorter version.it may sound cryptic because it is abbreviated.
Communication is way more complex than we think it should be and snafus are unavoidable. Misunderstandings are "The cost of doin' business."
One thing that helped me when I was being rejected by a friend was"every human action is either a loving response or a cry for Help!"It takes the sting out to think of it as them asking for help in a messed up way.
I bought a great book with lots of insights called "Nonviolent Communication" & you can borrow it when you come back if you want.
This post i different than the first!Enjoy the sun.Wynn;)
Oh man, don't I feel like I jerk for not stopping by sooner.
I have to admit, I'm guilty of cutting people out of my life. People who I would prefer to call friends, but reality is that they are takers, leeches, and do nothing but cause me grief. One can only handle so many knife wounds in the back. At one point I realized that my time was better spent on my true friends. And I've felt much better since doing so. At the time, that was hard to do, but looking back, those decisions just make perfect sense.
On the other hand, I had a very dear friend of mine, one I had known since I was 5, explain to me all the reasons why she no longer wanted to spend time with me or be my friend. Some were misunderstandings, some were truth. Both were hard to hear. The worst part was that she assumed I would turn away in anger and accept her decision. She seemed fully prepared to no longer be friends. That was the hardest part for me; that she wasn't expecting an apology or answer.
I did answer her. I apologized for my faults (which were real) pointed out the misunderstandings (that were no one's fault) and let her know that no amount of pride would ruin my love for an old and dear friend. To this day I am grateful that she spoke her mind and gave us the opportunity to tear down the walls that may have settled in strong had we left them alone. To this day, I love her dearly and we are closer than ever.
So yes, some people have left, some I've walked away from, and others, I know I'll fight tooth and nail before I let something separate us.
For you, I pray and hope your heart tells you whether it is time to fight or let go.
And again, I'm sorry for not stopping by sooner.
Hey Gina,
I just happened on this by chance. Well, I hope the person is not Thom!! Just kidding. A lot of this depends what the person is going thru. in their own lives. Listen to their complaints and sort out what is for real and what may be projection on their part. Whatever problems you feel are truly yours ask your other friends what they think. I think you need to be more specific about what you think your faults are. Get honest and constructive feedback. Perhaps this person just needs space.
Au
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