Monday 2 November 2015
How to Fracture a Family
Hmmmm. Yes it has been quite awhile since I've posted anything here and not because I haven't tried. Let me say that as is always true in life, for all of us, things got complicated. Hence the title of this post. But I am not going there or anywhere near 'there' today. I'll leave it to your imagination as to the why and the how, but I will say that things have sorted themselves out in the only way possible since they were going in that direction for most of my life. Shortly after that last post way back in February I headed down south for what turned out to be the end of life for my mother. Unexpected on so many levels yet not on one big one -- she was 88 years old. It is a all too common story I now know -- a fall, a break, a surgery to repair said break, pneumonia, heart attack, kidney failure, hospice, the end. For any of you that know me, you know that talking about this now in what may sound like a glib and matter of fact way is only because the shock and exhaustion of the whole ordeal is tucked behind me. We all did what we felt we had to do and each and every family member and friend that participated in the weeks leading up to and during, and after this event has come away with their own version.
I lost my mother which is a terrible thing for anyone but death is a part of life obviously. The other family members who were lost, were not lost due to death, but their loss was orchestrated consciously out of some need that remains a mystery to me and may always remain so. I am beyond any feelings of anger or sadness at their choice to absent themselves from me, although it is ultimately, very sad. Out of respect for all of them I will remain out of their sphere.
Death definitely brings out the worst in some, but the very best in others. Never more true for me than now, so holding a grudge is not going to be part of my repertoire. A choice we all can make or not.
A thousand thanks to those who acted with grace and selflessness and dignity during a difficult and sad time. You know who you are. I think the term is 'stepped up to the plate'. I would not have been able to go it alone.
.... life is indeed still good ...